I know that I’ve posted about this before, but I believe it got lost in the Great Blundering of this year.
For as long as I can remember, I have had this dream, and this ache; that is, if you can even call it a dream. It’s more like a fantasy that I’ve dreamt about, but also consciously pursued the idea and joy of. But the ache… The ache is all too real. There is often a pain between my shoulder blades. Doctors attribute it to poor posture and my extra vertebra. But I choose to believe that it is a co-part of my dream: to soar with wings of my own.
I have day-dreamed and subconsciously dreamed about having wings for years beyond remembrance. I yearn to just take flight one day, and be gone. I flex my shoulders in hopes that they sprout. I imagine having the strength to beat them with enough tenacity and determination that I simply take off and fly with the clouds. I fantasize about what I would do if it ever happens; the first people I would tell, the first place I would fly, and the first face I would gloat to and remind them of what they either left behind or passed up.
I realize that many people have similar notions and dreams, but I cannot help but feel that the sheer depth of thought and pervasiveness of the feelings that accompany this ideal might lend a bit of uniqueness to my situation. I cannot recall as week where I did not think about it actively, or daydream about what I could or might do. The frustrating thing to me right now, is how intensely I lack the wording and cohesion of thought in order to put this to text. When I had decided to write about it, I had a veritable plethora of topics to cover in my writings, but I cannot seem to conjure any of them right now. I know that stress is a big portion of the blockage, but it’s infuriating. I have been wanting to pen this for quite some time now, to get my thoughts and ideas down, but they slip from my grasp with greater ease than the feelings of elation and pure joy that I get from each dream after I wake up or return to reality.
I suppose that I shall simply have to revisit this post when my senses choose to return to me, and the ideas regarding the aspiration find their way back to their inherent roost.