So, I have had a goodly few people ask me the following questions, and I decided to sit down and write my answers out. Bear in mind that I am a person, and my wants/desires/requirements my change, but these are as they currently stand.
1. She must be beautiful; I do not only mean in purely the shallow aesthetic sense. I would be a liar were I to not say that I must find her physcially appealing, but that is far and removed from my only meaning of the word “beautiful”. I must find her mind as equally or more attractive than her outwardly appearances. I must be able to smile simply by hearing her talk. I must be wanting to hear her sing. I must feel challenged and encouraged to think when she asks me a question. To me, these are beauty.
2. Music. I am not saying that we have to listen to all of the same music all of the time, but we must have some interests in common. Music is a large part of my life, and I’ve already lived with a significant other that shared little-to-no similarity in musical tastes with me; I’ll not do it again, it’s too important to me.
3. Confidence. She must be confident in herself, and at least have an idea of where she wants her life to go, and what she’d like to do with it. I don’t expect her to have a perfectly laid out roadmap of every little thing and plan, but she must have an idea; hell, I am 27, and I am still deciding *exactly* what I want to do, but I have a damn good idea.
4. Interests. As with music, I do not expect, nor want, us to have exactly the same interests in everything we do and enjoy; but we must have some. We must have common topics on which we can have discussions, debates, and time spent in. I understand that there are more than a goodly few couples out there that have entirely separate interests and still get along just fine; I cannot be a part of one of them. For me, there needs to be a mutual ground on which we can trod, or I know that I will grow bored and weary of being around a person, as I would likely rather be doing something else more enjoyable with my time.
5. Competitiveness. I am a highly competitive creature by nature, and I need someone that can indulge that aspect of my personality. But at the same time, I know when not to be, and I need that as well. I am a firm believer of the philosophy that competition breeds advancement and growth, and I want that in an intimiate relationship. I want someone that can keep up with me, toe to toe, and even “whup” me every once in awhile. But on that same token, I do not want someone that sees everything and every encounter as an opportunity for a contest; they need to be able to know when the time is right or not. And in that, I cannot and will not be with a sore loser. Feeling resentment over something that I find to be enjoyable and entertaining is a huge turn off for me, and I simply will not tolerate it as a characteristic of the person that I want to marry.
6. Affection. On this topic, I am a fickle fiend. There are moments where I want nothing more than to cuddle and talk, and have nothing else going on; no t.v., no phones, no nada (except maybe music). But then there are times where I not only want to be alone, I need it. I am a highly introverted person at my core, and I need time to “recharge” so to say. But that is another of my fickle facets: I need someone that will be able to tell when I truly need to be alone, and when I am simply sequestering myself as a means of seeking attention. As loathe as I am to admit it, there are most definitely times that I will remove myself from a situation as a means of garnering attention. But in those moments, it is almost always the attention of a singular person that I want. It’s a little inane of me, but I feel as though it is sometimes a test to see how “in tune” we are with one-another.
7. Emotional openness. I am not the best at outwardly and overtly expressing my emotions and feelings, but I do pride myself at the work I put into doing so. Growing up, I relegated most emotions (good or bad) to an internal compartmentalization section of my mind, so it has taken a lot for me to break that habit, but I most definitely am. In that regard, I need someone that is willing and able to be open with me, and won’t expect me to pick up on subtlety; usually I can, and am generally pretty quick at such, but I am by no means perfect.
8. Communicability. I need someone willing and able to talk to me, and about anything and everything. I need someone that can voice their displeasures and pleasures of something with me. I need someone that I can hold a conversation with, no matter how random the topics may become (and believe me, they *will* become random; I have a quad-core brain with no shut-off switch). I need someone that will not get annoyed with me when I ask them how they are doing or what they are thinking/feeling, no matter how many times a day; sometimes it will be often, other days not so much.
9. Quirkiness. I need someone not afraid to break societal molds, and is willing to explore new avenues of expression and acceptance. I am an odd individual, and desire that in my future wife. I am a firm believer in true equality, and will expect that from my partner. But in that, I am also very old fashioned. I believe in being a gentleman, and expect my significant other to behave appropriately when the time calls for it. I adore doting on people, and will indulge every opportunity to do so that I can. I want a queen to my king, but at the same time a Harley to my Mr. J. I want a lady to my gentleman, but also a River Song to my Doctor.
10. Honesty. This is one point that I cannot stress enough: I want honesty, loyalty, and faithfulness. I want a transparent relationship, where we can tell one-another anything and everything, and not feel ashamed. I believe we should have passwords on our phones/computers/etc, but I believe that we should both have full and unabridged access to those things; if ever someone in a relationship feels that they must hide a text/picture/comment/message/whatever from the other, and would feel ashamed about it should it be brought to light, that will not work for me. If there is no transparency, there is no trust. And without trust, a relationship cannot last.
So, these are the first ten things that I can think of right now. I will come back and edit this list as more come to mind, of course, but these are what I feel are most important to me right now. Now, as to the story behind the tattoo, I suppose I can enlighten the masses in that regard. I was married. I married my high school sweetheart, and was in that marriage for nearly 5 of the 8 years we were together. This tattoo serves as a reminder of a few things, but the applicable one is as follows:
At the core of bliss and loss ultimately lays love; this is represented for me by the joining of the angelic wing and demonic wing by a fractured heart. The heart for me is fractured as a representation of the pain and agony I felt at losing what I believed was my life. In a single sentence, everything I had known for my adult life was ripped from me, and I was left with a gaping hole that is only now starting to truly heal. But it was not all bad, in that I was able to utilize it as a very important, and very thorough, learning experience. I know better now who it is that I am, as well as what type of woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. As such, when and if the day comes that I am ready to propose again, I will have the heart filled in and completed. Given that it is ink in my skin, rest assured that the decision will not be made lightly, and I will weigh all of the options, pros, and cons, of such a decision. Truth be told, I am a hopeless romantic, and have always worn my heart on my sleeve; the tattoo was just a physical manifestation of who I have been for as long as I can remember.
Well, there you have it: the qualities I am looking for in a wife, and one of the meanings behind my tattoo. I am an open book, and you need simply turn to the page you want to read. If the above is not enough, just ask 🙂