Today needs to end, like now. I am so far beyond exhausted, and that’s both mentally and physically. My normal outward docility scarcely belies the seething lividity that bubbles beneathe, poised to expel with fervour and ire at the first person to even scantily skim the surface; such is masked with ephemeral bouts of nonchalance and placidity. And this worries me, so much so that I wouldn’t want to be around me right now were I not me.
The calm demeanour that normally graces my exterior is a controlled response to the chaos around me, and I work diligently so as to best ensure that I am not a contributing factor to said chaos via outbursts or untoward aggression. This notion that my calculated control could be unwittingly relinquished at any moment, and that this fury could be released unto someone undeserving worries me to more than a fair extent. It is with a dire hope that something of a decent amount of sleep tonight will better enable me to resume my determinate control, as I rather disdain this state of perdition I currently reside within.